WHAT DOES BEING SUCCESSFUL MEAN??????

We live in a world where every one is 'success driven' yet we don't even know what success really means. Everyone is in pursuit of success but very few of us can even define what this means. To some people its the corporate ladder, making sure you get to the top. And to others its the beautiful house with the white picket fence, a beautiful wife or husband with kids, a luxurious car, exotic vacation destinations, accumulating money in the bank, being famous, living in a great neighborhood and the list goes on. Interestingly, some people pursue the above in order to be happy. Those who are born in money or some money have the pressure to continue the legacy and keep the bubble. And those who were not born in money really believe that when or if they get to the top of the ladder financially they will be successful and happy. This particular group of people believes that all the problems they have had in their lives growing up and as adults will disappear once they find money. So they only focus on being successful financially and ignore everything else.

Having mentioned all the above, and realizing that most people have achieved this so called success, our society is unhappier than its ever been. Does this mean that we have missed something a long the way? Have we messed up the true definition of success? Lets ask ourselves this question. How come we have achieved so much of what we call 'success' (money) than ever before and yet we are very unhappy as a society. Could it be that we have neglected ourselves and focussed on money to define us? Money is supposed to make our lives easier and not the opposite. Maybe its because we have forgotten to nurture our souls deep within. And we have failed to focus on our inner growth and instead we have defined ourselves with what we have on the outside. This is the smartest generation that ever lived with all the technology, the money and the simplicity of life yet we are the most depressed. If we are so smart how come we are so hollow at the core of our being and how come we have run our lives and our families into the ditch? How can we be so lost with so much pain internally and yet we claim to be successful because of the titles on our business cards or with all the houses or the money in the bank? Are we really that smart after all????

Before you all resent me for saying the above, let me explain this further. There is nothing wrong with money. Having money is great and actually even having lots of money is more of a blessing. Money is supposed to help us be in positions to help ourselves and help others in need. To me, I define success as my soul being at peace with myself while i am on this journey called living. If you can be comfortable with who you are as a person deep inside yourself, and know that you are loved and accepted, and that you are enough without the all the attachments, then you are successful and from this foundation, you can begin to fully enjoy all the attachments we call success. All the attachments i mentioned in the first paragraph will pull you in every direction and by the end of your journey in this world you don't want to be saying oh boy, i feel so tired, exhausted yet i never had fun, peace, happiness and i never enjoyed the journey.

God gave us everything so our lives would be easier but not so that we become egotistic and become slaves to what He has given to us (money). All these attachments are like "our jackets". They are just external and we acquire them and we lose them. They shouldn't be our identity. How sad is it for one to work hard and instead of enjoying the fruits of his/her work, he/she digs the deepest grave of unhappiness. Money is supposed to be a blessing and not to boost the ego in us thus destruction. I will say that money will not use me nor change me but instead i will use it to change the world around me. What does success mean to you??????????

DID YOU KNOW THAT ONLY HURTING PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE?

Yes, hurting people hurt people. I will start off by saying that there is no way and absolutely no way, any one who is emotionally healthy would have any desire or would be able to hurt another person in any way, shape or form. Only a hurting person would try to abuse another emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically. He/she would try to control, demean, disrespect, put you down, insult you, and be condescending towards you. Emotional healthy people build others. Unfortunately these people could be our parents, your spouses, other family members, friends and anyone close to you. The closer you are to the abuser the more damage they will do to you because their opinions matter to you more than your boss at work or any stranger on the street.

Some of us have lived a confused life wondering how can my mother or my father cause such pain to me? Or how can my partner or family member or a friend hurt me so bad yet they claim to love me?. They were and are supposed to love me. And some of us don't even want to allow ourselves to go to that place to believe that our loved ones are capable of hurting us. We are in denial or we don't want to betray them. And for some, its easier to go to that place for some other reason. But for others, you wont even go there because you don't want to give your abuser power. I am not here to assign blame but to start a healing process. The most important thing that I would like you to know is that since the beginning of time, no one ever looks at her/his parents as just people too. We all look at them as parents. Meaning they should have known better because they are our parents. But here is the thing, even though they are parents, they are still human beings. The fact is that they are also broken people who were probably hurting and confused when they had you and . They did all they knew how to. Just remember again hurting people hurt people. Your parents might not accept or understand that they were broken or operating in hurt, but the fact is that hurting people hurt people, period. Otherwise it does't make any sense that your child that you loved so very much and did everything you possibly could to be there for, claims that you hurt him/her.

Please understand that i am not trivializing or making excuses for what our parents did but i hope you understand why, and hopefully this will help you get answers for yourself and parent your children differently. Knowledge is power. I just want you all to know the cycle. This is where the healing begins. I call this process "taking your life and your power back". Most importantly, this does not mean that you have to hate the one that hurt you. Once you take your life and your power back, you will not have anger or hatred but you will love them in their brokenness because you understand. After all, you will be a healthy person that wont hurt others or yourself. Enjoy the journey. Remember too, we are living in a broken world and its your job and mine to mend it with love through and after the healing takes place. Someone say Amen to that.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, EVERY CULTURE OR SOCIETY DEFINES BEAUTY DIFFERENTLY

As a young girl growing up beauty and body image is always defined by the culture you are in. When i was growing up in a small tribe in Uganda, my tribe had their own way of defining beauty. They still do. As a young girl in that village, your world is so small that being accepted and looked at as beautiful girl was very important. As a matter of fact this had a huge impact on my adult life when it came to dating. I remember my family members making big comments especially from my mom about who will ever marry me the way i looked. As far as i remember i was a very skinny little girl and as i grew to be a teenager i still was a size zero.

Women from my tribe genetically are very fat. Every school i went to i was always the skinniest amongst my age mates. This was one of the most depressing time of my life. I was bullied and teased for being my size. To make matters worse as a young woman i developed really late compared to all the girls my age. I remember i would pray to God to give me stretch marks, fat legs, a fat behind and an inner belly button. All these were and still are the greatest signs of beauty on a woman in my tribe and i had non of these by the age of seventeen. I never received any attention from boys like most girls this age. Oh God , i was so miserable. I hid it very well though because God had given me a great personality and my smile and laughter was infectious. But this did not stop people in my school to openly say that my face was wasted on a terrible body like i had. I remember, There was this girl that used to like me because of my personality and i was two classes a head of her. One day she mentioned that she wished she could take my head off and put it on a different body type that fit the good futures of my face so could be beautiful. When i asked what she meant, she listed all the good futures on my face and the terrible futures on the rest of the body. I felt like i wanted to die. In my tribe your body type defines beauty more that your face.

Another story i remember vividly was one of our neighbor's daughter's comment that used to walk with me from school. This was like a four miles journey to my house. She asked me to wrap my sweater tight around my waist and as i did this she was dying of laughter almost the whole journey about how small my butt looked. When i was in middle and throughout high school i attended boarding schools. And this was a nightmare. We had a few bathrooms and most of us would bathe out in the open but our dormitories were safely and privately secured. This was so hard for me because all the girls would be laughing at me asking whether i was a girl or a boy. I always laughed along with them just to put on a cover and ease my pain. But it was not funny. It hurt so bad.

However, it was very confusing when i moved to London at twenty one, and i couldn't understand why everyone was fussing about how beautiful and what a great body i had. Having grown up knowing that you will never be beautiful and that you have such a bad figure had had a toll on me and i had given up on any man ever being attracted to me. So now, i am in England and i cant keep all these men away from me including surprisingly those from my tribe too. I guess they had been exposed to another culture now. It was confusing. And i loved the attention and did not care who gave it to me. It didn't even occur to me that i had a choice. This eventually brought so much heartache to my life. I didn't know what to do with the attention.

Then as i came to the USA, i was even more shocked to find out how fat people are treated here. Especially with the young people in schools today. I realized that what is happening to the fat people here is the same as what was happening to me growing up. Are you kidding me, I remember wishing if i could find ways of taking all the fat people to my tribe and bringing all the skinny people from my tribe to this culture. My mind was blown away and it still does sometimes when i see a beautiful talented woman shut down and hopeless because of how the people and the culture defines her body image, it breaks my heart. A lot of people don't understand that this can take your life away from you.

So, to everyone who is reading this and know that you have treated or thought of someone else differently because of their weight, for goodness sake allow me to give you some education. Travel, Travel, travel and then you will know that your culture is not the final definition of what other cultures are. Let us stop causing pain to other people because of our ignorance. Did you know that some centuries ago, being full figured was extremely beautiful in this same culture? And to those of you fat beautiful women out there, did you know that being fat is to die for in other cultures? Love yourself girl and don't let any culture or society define your beauty.

Thank you God, now i know that i am truly beautiful. Not just beautiful from the out side which is only defined by just man who is confused any way, but from deep inside I know who i am and that i am beautiful. And please ladies, take your life back and get to know who you really are, girl. It makes me laugh even today to know that i had given my life and my power to the people from just one small tribe who are not aware of how big this world is. DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF. YOU MEAN ALOT TO THIS WORLD. DO YOU GET IT???????????????

ARE YOU LIVING AN AUTHENTIC LIFE?

I don't know about you but it actually took me a very long time to use this word in my speech - AUTHENTIC. I will have to confess that i don't even know what this word means in own language. So most of my life before, i lived like a leaf n the wind if you know what i mean. Wherever the wind blows i would go. Its very important that as women we know who we are. If you don't know who you are, society or someone else will define you. As you let everything and everyone else from the outside define you, you will never get a grip on your own life. Thats why some women wake up one morning and say what happened to me?..I used to be different. Its because somehow along the way you lost knowing who you really are or you have never known who you are. How will you affirm your children of who they are when you don't even know who you are ourselves?

I strongly believe that without knowing who you are, you can never know what you want in life and what you stand for as a person. Thats why some of us find ourselves in some compromising, painful situations. Because when you know who you are, you will never get yourself in any situation that does not bare witness to your inner self.

To know who you are you, first of all have to know that you are not here by accident. And i know that you have heard this statement over and over before but this time i want you to let it take root deep within you. You were absolutely planned to be here at a time like this. Don't you ever compare yourself with others. Take your own place. Its yours and your only.

To get to know yourself you will also have to believe in yourself that you are put on this earth to do your part and give your contribution to better this world. Also remember that when you don't believe in yourself that you are here to do your part, no one else will ever do or accomplish what you were meant to do on this earth. Its like a car in the factory. Everyone is assigned to build a certain part for the car and if just one person does not do their job, something will be missing in that particular car. Its truly sad to know that there are so many talents and gifts are buried in our local cemeteries.

I know and understand that there is a lot of brokenness among us and for some of us we don't even know where to start from. I can assure you that the first step is to ask your questions like who AM I? What are my values, what are my personality traits?, what do i like and what don't i like? and why? What do i want for my future and whom do i want in my circles?. Take your time and study yourself. There are some people who find it difficult being by themselves. They make sure they occupy their lives with so much so that they avoid time alone to reflect on themselves. They just cant stand themselves. Let me ask you a question, if you cant stand to be with yourself, who will? By the way, who gives you permission to undermine, dislike and can not stand something that God put together himself - YOU? How dare you?

Okay, now that i have scratched the surface, i would like to encourage everyone to start the journey of finding an authentic life. We are living in a difficult society where if you don't know who you are, the following will define you and it wont be pretty: Money, Fame, Beauty, society, Sex appeal, Fear, your past, your fabulous Job, Wealth, even religion, and whatever all the weak people and broken people will say you are. The list actually goes on.....

FIND THE AUTHENTIC YOU AND LOVE HER.

LADIES, OOPS. WE ARE RAISING SOMEONE'S FUTURE HUSBAND

Every woman that has got issues with her boyfriend or husband is quick to express how disappointed they are in the way these men treat them in the relationship. Its easier for a woman in this position to point out how her partner was either spoiled or how his parents did a crapy job raising him. Well, i have got some news for you ladies. I bet when his parents and in this case his mother was raising him, it did not cross her mind everyday that he will one day become someone's husband. Most of our boyfriends, husbands and fiances are subconsciously living their lives today the way they saw it growing up. Its interesting to know that these men are treating you the way they saw their fathers treat their wives.

Have you ever been in public places where a son or any child talks to his/her own mother or treat her like garbage? Calling her names and hauling insults at her with no respect whats ever. I can certainly assure you that if this doesn't stop, he will be talking to his future wife the same way. I have seen most mothers including my own, when their sons abuse their wives, the mother will be the first one to defend her son. These mothers don't know that they contributed to most of this behavior. If you are letting your son treat you with disrespect, just know that you are creating an abusive generation to come. These little ones if not well guided and disciplined will one day turn into nightmare husbands and they will do the same to someone's daughter. Also remember, that daughter could well be your own daughter. All abusers have or had mothers just like you.

I know most of you are wondering what do i have to say about our girls in this situation? Well, that will be another topic to come and this today is about our little future husbands.

To those women right now in any abusive relationships, our boys are watching and learning how to treat a woman. Please do not think that you have already messed up. Its never too late to change things around you little by little. We all should do better when we know better. Trust me, the way your boyfriend, husband or fiance talks to you or treats you, the way he relates to you and handles you will impact how these little handsome boys of ours will probably treat his own partner in the future unless he recognizes this and makes some changes. I will also add that raising children that know how to respect themselves and others will in general have much happier lives due to less drama and conflict. So, let us do our sons and other people's daughters a favor hence creating a better world for all of us.

However, i totally understand that we as mothers, we are doing exactly what we know how to do and what we saw our mothers or women around us do. Most of us and don't know and don't have the skills to do different when it comes to our sons. But i believe everything can be learned or unlearned when we are determined to make a difference. There are so many resources that can help and direct you in this area. This should be considered as a battle. When soldiers are on a battle, its important for them to know what tactics and weapons their enemies are using in order to be able to fight them better. So now that we know that the little men we are raising will be husbands in the future, lets try and stop our daughters' pain and heartache in the future. And now that we know what it takes to raise an upright man, lets step into our roles as contributors of our world. And lets give our sons great skills of how to make a happy future.

Lets take pride in raising a better world for tomorrow. We can not only be victims and focus how the men in our lives are treating us but also be aware of the impact its making on our sons who are the future husbands. We are literary writing on our little boys slate of what they will possibly become.

By Kellen Natukunda Donnelly.